For several days I’ve thought about transfer weekend and it’s quite hard to put it into words. However I am going to try my gosh darn best!
Leading up to transfer Mandy (our surrogate’s name, she said it’s ok to use it) and I have texted every day and talked a couple times per week. So we’ve had since November to get to know each other with our match meeting mixed in there in December. The result of all that talking, texting and emailing is we know each other pretty well. When we finally were in the same space it was like seeing an old friend!
Both Mandy and I wanted a relationship with each other and so I put quite a bit of thought into what would help facilitate a bonding experience over transfer weekend. In the end I decided to plan few events, bring key people and let the rest happen naturally.
Here’s the flow. We all arrived Friday and went home Monday with the actual transfer on Sunday. Key players were of course Mandy and her sweet husband Nick, my Auntie Chris, my good friend Carla and myself. My hubs Brett was unable to come due to work/school commitments.
Early on in the process I thought we’d be able to bring in the woo-woo by hiring someone to come do energy work or play singing bowls. They wanted A LOT of money so instead I thought how cool it would be to bring someone I know that is well versed in spiritual ways that appeal to Mandy and I. Lo and Behold my dear friend Carla was in a place in her life where she could drop everything and come be our spiritual leader or Guidess if you will. Carla lives in Oregon but it just so happened she was coming into Utah a few days before we left and was generous enough to give us a weekend of her vacation. What she brought to the table was priceless.
I invited my Auntie Chris to represent ALLLL of my family. She is an extraordinary human who has done amazing and wonderful things in her life and is a WONDERFUL aunt. I knew her easy going grounded nature would bring a lot.
So together my Aunt, Carla and I boarded a tiny plane to Chicago where we rented a mini-van and scooped up Mandy and her hubs Nick.
I want to give you a play by play but this blog would take 4 years to read. There was the harried rainy drive to Downtown Chicago where we ate at RPM Giuliana Rancic’s
Restaurant. We arrived wet and travel worn as we did not have time to change clothes. That was actually the perfect metaphor for the whole weekend. We arrive at this SUPER FANCY restaurant, all the wait staff in pressed white jackets with bow ties, here we are in casual travel clothes. It could have been super awkward but we sat down, settled in and had an outstanding meal. This weekend could have been awkward, but we embraced it and enjoyed it with fervor!
I rented a condo for us all to stay in for the weekend so we could share space. It was this slightly awkward place but perfect for our short stay. Before anyone was allowed to go inside Carla and I sage smudged the whole place. Sage smudging is a Native American practice to chase out oogieness like bad energy. After we changed and settled in Carla led us in this magical intention setting ceremony. She had asked us to each bring an object that had meaning to us. I was not prepared for this ceremony. I was so surprised and touched by all the little things people brought and their explanation of these sacred items. It was a very emotional ceremony; we laid our objects on a table Carla had prepared as our “wheel” we would “work” over the weekend, an altar or shrine of sorts. I brought and played my singing bowl during these ceremonies. Magical. Perfect. Wonderful.
There were tears, hugs, smiles, giggles and all the feels. Needless to say after this beginning ritual we were bonded together in an extremely meaningful way.
Saturday I had plans for a spa day. I went out on a limb with this one as it’s a Korean spa and the website made it look like it could be amazing or super hokey, I mean everyone wore matching pink PJs. Turns out it was amazing. We all got a treatment and spent the day lazing around in these wildly different rooms like a gold plated pyramid sauna, a room filled with amethyst crystals, a room with pure O2 piped in, a cold room of stone, a sauna so hot it was called the “pizza oven”, a mud room that smelled like dirt after a rain and a sauna made entirely out of Himalayan pink rock salt.
The feels kept on coming in rapid fire succession at the spa. I went from feeling womb like in saunas, to slight social anxiety hoping Mandy was having a good time when we were separated, to being in awe of naked woman bodies and their perfection in all their shapes. There was one moment so special I will remember it for the rest of my life.
It was the end of our time there; some of sat in the salt room that was quite hot. In all the other rooms there was quiet chatter from people. Not this one. As I sat and leaned my back against the hot salt wall smooth from other bodies I was struck by the reverent silence in the room. I closed my eyes and dropped easily into a meditative state. I could hear the bustle outside and my co-saltroom humans breathing and adjusting. Now I’m not sure if it was the heat or the result of being scrubbed within an inch of my life my a little Korean lady or just the magic of the room but I began to notice a purple hue slipping into my vision. Now, my eyes were closed, this royal purple hue was so distinct I opened my eyes at one point to see if it was a light from the room. Nope. Back I slipped into my purple meditation and just breathed it in. I heard the door open, as it was want to do with people coming and going but this time I opened my eyes for some reason and saw Mandy walk straight toward me. There was ZERO waiver of “oh is there a spot over by Kate or next to Auntie Chris?” No. She came toward me like an arrow and plopped down right in front of me, put her hands on my folded knees. I put my hands on her hands and we just stared at each other. Eventually we closed our eyes. White. All I could see was white. It felt like her energy was this blast of pure spirit, it blew through me like a torrent of kindness. So different from what I was experiencing before she came in. This pure crystalline energy blasted down all my defenses and walls and whatever fears I might have had about her. I felt my eyes leaking. As my lower lip shook with the last vestige of social awareness that was trying to keep this emotion quiet I opened my eyes to see her eyes closed, she was calm and smiling. I grabbed her and hugged her and bawled my face off! Gratitude, gratitude and more gratitude came gushing out of me like Old Faithful. I think I said things, but I don’t remember any part of the words. Not even sure how long the whole extraordinary event took. I remember Carla putting her hand on Mandy’s shoulder and mine, and she brought us back to Earth. I looked at Mandy and she had the same “what the hell just happened” look on her face that I’m sure I was giving her. Here was this sweet mom from Wisconsin and I in matching pink pajamas in a salt sauna having just transcended space and time to mingle energies. No big.
Needless to say there was not a lot of talking on my part after that. We got dressed and went back to the condo, or maybe we went to dinner, not sure. Ceremony that night was beautiful. We were all open and full of love and I feel like we made the whole block hum.
By the time transfer day came around we were so ready. Mandy made us all these shirts that said “It’s going to be a Unicorn and Rainbows kind of day” I mean, can you tell we were a match? The transfer was weird. It was a Sunday and there were SOO MANY PEOPLE at this clinic!! From the looks it seemed like they were going to plant an army! We were jostled around in our entourage of love from office to office. I think the weirdest part was sitting in an office alone with the embryologist and Brett on speakerphone trying to decide which embryo to implant. It felt like screwing with the natural world a bit too much for my taste. Awkward. We made our decision (which I am happily telling people in person, but not here because it is SO FUN to tell people in person) then I rejoined the love boat entourage.
Nick and I got scrubs to wear while Mandy was put in a hospital gown. We were led back to a little dark COLD room where they put Mandy on a clinic bed and Nick and I got stools. They showed me where our embryos were kept, a crazy cold room with microscopes and things bubbling, so wild. I was too overwhelmed to really ask anything or say anything so I went and sat in front of Nick on my rollie stool that promptly nearly toppled to the ground. Don’t worry there’s just our embryos being handled right in front of us! Good news is Nick grabbed me and kept me from falling into our embryos! He told me later he kept hold of my stool with both feet during the entire procedure! Good man!
The whole thing lasted about 5min. We were changed and back in the car in an oddly short amount of time.
Thinking back I’m glad the actual transfer was short as we could get back to our Lovefest ASAP!
We had fun that day lounging about with Mandy (she had to stay on the couch) and getting food and the necessities of the day. We all tied our wrists together with lovely gold cord then cut lengths and did some symbolic beading. We did a group Tarot card reading, we colored in the mandala coloring book. It was strange and fun for all of us to think about the tiny grain of sand in Mandy’s womb snuggling down. Would it take? Will it be a person? Did our little tribe just gain a member?
I cannot imagine the answer to any of those would be no. I mean Mandy vibrated with fertile energy! However Carla did bring the shadow into our ceremony at times. She talked about how we can’t have light without shadow and how we all have fears and it’s good to recognize and acknowledge them. This might not take. We may be here again. No matter what happens we will have had this time to look back on and we will be bonded together.
If it does take… WOW will I have one hell of a story to tell this kid!! I mean I did not even get to half of what happened this weekend!!
On April 13th Mandy will take a pregnancy test. Ten days after transfer. Until then I will continue to hold sacred space for her and her family and the little seed in her fluffy womb. All prayers, kind and fertile thoughts of light and love are MOST welcome! I feel so calm about this, I won’t be home freaking out. I’ll be out in the world feeling so much trust in Mandy and her beautiful body. I feel so full of love and gratitude for that girl there is no room for fear, she blasted that out of me with her bright crystalline mid-western light!